I’m breaking my self-imposed but entirely unintentional blogging hiatus to comment on this OMG Diet. I will probably start blogging again because as I get older, the more things piss me off. Instead of beleaguering my boyfriend with my rants (and because Twitter only allows for short angry missives), I’ll pour out my rage here.
To recap: Some douchey personal trainer, who has no medical or scientific background, wrote a book called Six Weeks to OMG: Get Skinnier Than All Your Friends. In it, he gives some stupid tips to lose weight, like blowing balloons, taking cold baths and skipping breakfast. Seriously. Not making this shit up.
The sad part is, publishers are beating down his door to publish this tripe because — fuck you, young girls and common sense — this will make them a ton of money. Because there are people who want to lose a lot of weight in as little time as possible and with minimal effort, and they are desperate to try anything — except, you know, eating better and exercising — and will buy this book. They will buy it, and they will try to adhere to its crazy methodology, like chugging black coffee and shunning broccoli (seriously?). They will then tire of it because taking cold baths is not pleasurable and smoothies are very delicious. They will consign the book to the cobwebby bottom shelf of their bookcase, nestled between other stupid books about the Atkins diet and the master cleanse. But it doesn’t matter, you see, because the author and his skeezy publishers will have taken their money. Suckers!
Perhaps I’m being harsh on the guy. After all, for as long as woman have been shamed by the ladymags for their thighs and eating and whatnot, there have been weight-loss books. Lots and lots of weight-loss books. For every “How to get a flat stomach in 6 days to get a man in bed” Cosmo article, there is a fad diet that makes you drink your own pee or give up air. The author, who goes by the alias of Venice Fulton (I’ve rolled my eyes back into my head so severely they’re stuck that way and I’m now typing blindly), is just the latest in a long line of modern snake-oil salesman who claims to have the solution to quick and easy weight loss.
Here’s why the OMG Diet makes me ROTFCMAO (rolling on the floor cursing my ass off, in Internet-speak — because everybody likes acronyms!):
1) “Venice” is a pen name the author chose because he probably doesn’t want his real name associated with this crap. And the name wasn’t inspired by the beautiful Italian city, no, but by VENICE BEACH in California. Ugh. He’s also an actor whose short list of credits include playing a Death Eater in a Harry Potter movie. Do I really need to go on? Sigh, okay.
2) According to the article, “[the] book contains 20 pages of sources from peer-reviewed scientific journals.” Hey, you know what? That study that linked childhood vaccines with autism? That was in a peer-reviewed scientific journal. And it was later discredited, ripped apart and burned at the stake. That’s not to say peer-reviewed scientific journals should not be referred to and cited. It’s just that I’d rather read a book on nutrition and weight-loss from someone who is an expert in the field, someone with a PhD who went to school for a long time and who actually authored a peer-reviewed scientific study. Being able to look up and cite a peer-reviewed scientific journal accurately does not make you an expert. (If it does, then call me Dr. Dean because I am crazy-good at doing that.)
3) Mr. Venice Beach (GAH!) does not care about you. He does not give one stinking shit about you. Because if he did, he would call his book Six Weeks to OMG: Get Healthier Than All Your Friends and would try to help you to attain your best healthy self with scientifically sound and proven methods, like eating broccoli.
4) This, right here:
In a recent interview with the Toronto Star, Fulton denied targeting teens. (When asked about the second sentence of the book — “Your parents might think you shouldn’t read this book” — the 39-year-old writer shrugged and noted that he, too, has parents.)
As if my parents care about what books I read. As if they even know what I read because guess what – I’m an adult who lives on her own. If you believe this dickhead is being sincere, I have a wonderful bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.
5) Fad diets do not work. They never have and they never will. People continue to go on fad diets in the hope that someone, anyone, will have discovered the secret to losing weight easily. Here’s the secret: There is no secret. As long as our bodies work the same way they always have, losing weight will continue to not be easy. And it’s not the weight loss that’s challenging – it’s keeping it off that’s the hard part. Successfully losing weight and keeping it off is a slow process that involves changing your lifestyle. It’s about adopting reasonable, achievable behaviours that you can do every day for the rest of your life. Like eating more vegetables, drinking six glasses of water a day, taking up yoga or running, or cutting down on sweets (but not eliminating them – it’s unrealistic to think you will NEVER eat another chocolate bar EVER, and why would you want to deny yourself the pleasure?). Do you honestly think you can take a cold bath every day for the rest of your life? Or blow balloons on a daily basis? Why would you want to do that?
I’m not saying you shouldn’t get help with your efforts to achieve a healthy weight. Just get sensible help. There is no quick and easy way to lose weight. And anyone who claims otherwise can GTFO.