The OMG Diet: WTF?

Share

I’m break­ing my self-imposed but en­tirely un­in­ten­tional blog­ging hia­tus to com­ment on this OMG Diet. I will prob­a­bly start blog­ging again be­cause as I get older, the more things piss me off. Instead of be­lea­guer­ing my boyfriend with my rants (and be­cause Twitter only al­lows for short an­gry mis­sives), I’ll pour out my rage here.

To re­cap: Some douchey per­sonal trainer, who has no med­ical or sci­en­tific back­ground, wrote a book called Six Weeks to OMG: Get Skinnier Than All Your Friends. In it, he gives some stu­pid tips to lose weight, like blow­ing bal­loons, tak­ing cold baths and skip­ping break­fast. Seriously. Not mak­ing this shit up.

The sad part is, pub­lish­ers are beat­ing down his door to pub­lish this tripe be­cause — fuck you, young girls and com­mon sense — this will make them a ton of money. Because there are peo­ple who want to lose a lot of weight in as lit­tle time as pos­si­ble and with min­i­mal ef­fort, and they are des­per­ate to try any­thing — ex­cept, you know, eat­ing bet­ter and ex­er­cis­ing — and will buy this book. They will buy it, and they will try to ad­here to its crazy method­ol­ogy, like chug­ging black cof­fee and shun­ning broc­coli (se­ri­ously?). They will then tire of it be­cause tak­ing cold baths is not plea­sur­able and smooth­ies are very de­li­cious. They will con­sign the book to the cob­webby bot­tom shelf of their book­case, nes­tled be­tween other stu­pid books about the Atkins diet and the mas­ter cleanse. But it doesn’t mat­ter, you see, be­cause the au­thor and his skeezy pub­lish­ers will have taken their money. Suckers!

Perhaps I’m be­ing harsh on the guy. After all, for as long as woman have been shamed by the la­dy­mags for their thighs and eat­ing and what­not, there have been weight-loss books. Lots and lots of weight-loss books. For every “How to get a flat stom­ach in 6 days to get a man in bed” Cosmo ar­ti­cle, there is a fad diet that makes you drink your own pee or give up air. The au­thor, who goes by the alias of Venice Fulton (I’ve rolled my eyes back into my head so se­verely they’re stuck that way and I’m now typ­ing blindly), is just the lat­est in a long line of mod­ern snake-oil sales­man who claims to have the so­lu­tion to quick and easy weight loss.

Here’s why the OMG Diet makes me ROTFCMAO (rolling on the floor curs­ing my ass off, in Internet-speak — be­cause every­body likes acronyms!):

1) “Venice” is a pen name the au­thor chose be­cause he prob­a­bly doesn’t want his real name as­so­ci­ated with this crap. And the name wasn’t in­spired by the beau­ti­ful Italian city, no, but by VENICE BEACH in California. Ugh. He’s also an ac­tor whose short list of cred­its in­clude play­ing a Death Eater in a Harry Potter movie. Do I re­ally need to go on? Sigh, okay.

This makes you lose weight? Blow me.

2) According to the ar­ti­cle, “[the] book con­tains 20 pages of sources from peer-reviewed sci­en­tific jour­nals.” Hey, you know what? That study that linked child­hood vac­cines with autism? That was in a peer-reviewed sci­en­tific jour­nal. And it was later dis­cred­ited, ripped apart and burned at the stake. That’s not to say peer-reviewed sci­en­tific jour­nals should not be re­ferred to and cited. It’s just that I’d rather read a book on nu­tri­tion and weight-loss from some­one who is an ex­pert in the field, some­one with a PhD who went to school for a long time and who ac­tu­ally au­thored a peer-reviewed sci­en­tific study. Being able to look up and cite a peer-reviewed sci­en­tific jour­nal ac­cu­rately does not make you an ex­pert. (If it does, then call me Dr. Dean be­cause I am crazy-good at do­ing that.)

3) Mr. Venice Beach (GAH!) does not care about you. He does not give one stink­ing shit about you. Because if he did, he would call his book Six Weeks to OMG: Get Healthier Than All Your Friends and would try to help you to at­tain your best healthy self with sci­en­tif­i­cally sound and proven meth­ods, like eat­ing broccoli.

4) This, right here:

In a re­cent in­ter­view with the Toronto Star, Fulton de­nied tar­get­ing teens. (When asked about the sec­ond sen­tence of the book — “Your par­ents might think you shouldn’t read this book” — the 39-year-old writer shrugged and noted that he, too, has parents.)

As if my par­ents care about what books I read. As if they even know what I read be­cause guess what – I’m an adult who lives on her own. If you be­lieve this dick­head is be­ing sin­cere, I have a won­der­ful bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.

5) Fad di­ets do not work. They never have and they never will. People con­tinue to go on fad di­ets in the hope that some­one, any­one, will have dis­cov­ered the se­cret to los­ing weight eas­ily. Here’s the se­cret: There is no se­cret. As long as our bod­ies work the same way they al­ways have, los­ing weight will con­tinue to not be easy. And it’s not the weight loss that’s chal­leng­ing – it’s keep­ing it off that’s the hard part. Successfully los­ing weight and keep­ing it off is a slow process that in­volves chang­ing your lifestyle. It’s about adopt­ing rea­son­able, achiev­able be­hav­iours that you can do every day for the rest of your life. Like eat­ing more veg­eta­bles, drink­ing six glasses of wa­ter a day, tak­ing up yoga or run­ning, or cut­ting down on sweets (but not elim­i­nat­ing them – it’s un­re­al­is­tic to think you will NEVER eat an­other choco­late bar EVER, and why would you want to deny your­self the plea­sure?). Do you hon­estly think you can take a cold bath every day for the rest of your life? Or blow bal­loons on a daily ba­sis? Why would you want to do that?

I’m not say­ing you shouldn’t get help with your ef­forts to achieve a healthy weight. Just get sen­si­ble help. There is no quick and easy way to lose weight. And any­one who claims oth­er­wise can GTFO.


Share

2 Comments on The OMG Diet: WTF?

  1. Desi Cabrera
    July 20, 2012 at 12:08 pm (5 years ago)

    Great ar­ti­cle Bonnie, with many ex­cel­lent points!

    Reply
    • Bonnie Dean
      July 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm (5 years ago)

      Thank you, Desi!

      Reply

Leave a Reply