Calling All “Casanovas”


Hey guys.

How’s it going? Good, good. Listen, there’s something I want to discuss with you. Apparently, some of you were planning to amass at a downtown mall in Toronto for something called a “$5 EATON CENTER APPROACH MARATHON”. The event has since been cancelled due to outrage and common sense – yay for human rights! Because really, events like this demean us all.

The event apparently involved “beasting” which is defined as “approaching [women] continuously and consistently – targeting every approachable set in the vicinity” [italics mine]. It was organized by a group that calls itself Toronto Pick Up Artists (PUAs). (There’s a hyphen missing from there, but bad grammar is the least of their problems.) A bunch of men were going to congregate in the Toronto Eaton Centre and basically harass women who just want to do their Christmas shopping. The Toronto PUAs page has disappeared (sad, because it was so stupid-funny to read) but Toronto Life documented some of the foolishness (albeit in a too-lighthearted way, IMHO, like these guys were some clumsy Pepe le Pews.) Behold:

Since there are so many women in the Eaton Centre you can easily warm up and get yourself into state within 20 minutes. Eaton Centre is therefore a great first stop on your day game iternary. [sic] Do a few approaches there and you can move to other venues which may have less women but better logistics (girls who are stationary).

Okay, guys, listen. This is bullshit. You don’t have to do this. I know that dealing with the opposite sex can be daunting. It happens to women, too, but on top of that add a dollop of insecurity and fears that stem from shit we get fed from lady mags, religion, laws, the entertainment industry—PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE. Slut-shaming,  “legitimate rape“, normal-sized models who are “plus size”, rape culture (oh, it exists I WILL DEBATE YOU FOR HOURS ON THIS DON’T GET ME STARTED), can’t wear pants because thighs rubbing

So, I get it. The fear of rejection, of being ridiculed, of feeling not attractive enough – we’ve all been there. For some, self-esteem and confidence comes with age and life experience. For others, it remains a constant struggle. Overcoming insecurity and developing confidence definitely helps with interpersonal relationships. But you don’t get it by joining PUAs or following assholes like this.

It begins by seeing women as they are – people. People who think, breathe, feel, shit, burp and fart just like you. It doesn’t mean elevating them as demigods, nor does it mean debasing them as objects. That “do unto others” stuff is true. How would you like to be treated? With respect? Well, how about that – we do, too!

Contrary to what most PUAs believe, our reaction to their activities is not misandry or man-hating We want the same thing as you do – to meet someone cool to talk to, to do stuff with, to make sexy times with. Without all the aggressiveness, harassment and abuse. Oh, and you can stop with the sexism too; nothing turns a woman off quicker than a “get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich” joke. Fuck off.

So, to help you, I’ve assembled some tips on how to talk to women. You don’t have to join a group and it’s FREE!

Tip 1: Treat a woman like you would like to be treated – with respect, dignity and as an equal. Well, D’UH.

Tip 2: If a woman tells you she’s not interested, she’s not interested. “No” really does mean “No”. Seriously. We mean it.

Tip 3: Refrain from approaching women in lingerie stores. That’s just creepy. Don’t be that guy.

Tip 4: Don’t listen to anyone who refers to themselves as a “Casanova” or “The Lover”. Nicknames are given by others, not self-appointed. Those who can’t do, teach. And teach badly.

Tip 5: Get to know us. We’re into the same stuff as you – sports, film, politics, music, gaming and yes, even sex (although with this, we prefer a little subtlety).

Tip 6: If a woman turns you down, it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or attractive enough. We all have preferences, just like you do. Maybe we’re already in relationships. And sometimes, all we want to do is just watch the game, so please be quiet and get out of the way, I CAN’T SEE THE TV.

Tip 6a: If you are turned down, do not ever respond by accusing us of being ugly, frigid or [insert ugly adjective here]. Just say “No worries, sorry to bother you” and walk away.

Tip 7: Don’t attend PUA events EVER. Especially on the anniversary of the École Polytechnique Massacre. Why do you hate women so much?

There you go. Keep these in mind and you should have no problems. We’re open to being approached, just not to being harassed.


5 Comments on Calling All “Casanovas”

    • Bonnie Dean
      December 6, 2013 at 6:58 pm (5 years ago)

      Thank you!

  1. Donna Papacosta
    December 7, 2013 at 9:05 am (5 years ago)

    Well said, Bonnie. When I first saw your link yesterday (and then the Meetup quickly disappeared), I thought this was a joke. So sad that this is a real thing. In 2013.

    • Bonnie Dean
      December 7, 2013 at 11:39 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks, Donna. It makes my blood boil. I sometimes wonder if it’s less about meeting women and more about harassing them – some sort of power trip.

  2. Anna Camara
    December 7, 2013 at 3:46 pm (5 years ago)

    Thanks for that solid, verbal slap upside the head. It takes a village to raise an idiot (are you listening Ford posse?) and I hope this message will somehow reach your target audience.


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