Calling All “Casanovas”

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Hey guys.

How’s it go­ing? Good, good. Listen, there’s some­thing I want to dis­cuss with you. Apparently, some of you were plan­ning to amass at a down­town mall in Toronto for some­thing called a “$5 EATON CENTER APPROACH MARATHON”. The event has since been can­celled due to out­rage and com­mon sense – yay for hu­man rights! Because re­ally, events like this de­mean us all.

The event ap­par­ently in­volved “beast­ing” which is de­fined as “ap­proach­ing [women] con­tin­u­ously and con­sis­tently - tar­get­ing every ap­proach­able set in the vicin­ity” [ital­ics mine]. It was or­ga­nized by a Meetup​.com group that calls it­self Toronto Pick Up Artists (PUAs). (There’s a hy­phen miss­ing from there, but bad gram­mar is the least of their problems.) A bunch of men were go­ing to con­gre­gate in the Toronto Eaton Centre and ba­si­cally ha­rass women who just want to do their Christmas shop­ping. The Toronto PUAs Meetup​.com page has dis­ap­peared (sad, be­cause it was so stupid-funny to read) but Toronto Life doc­u­mented some of the fool­ish­ness (al­beit in a too-lighthearted way, IMHO, like these guys were some clumsy Pepe le Pews.) Behold:

Since there are so many women in the Eaton Centre you can eas­ily warm up and get your­self into state within 20 min­utes. Eaton Centre is there­fore a great first stop on your day game iternary. [sic] Do a few ap­proaches there and you can move to other venues which may have less women but bet­ter lo­gis­tics (girls who are stationary).

Okay, guys, lis­ten. This is bull­shit. You don’t have to do this. I know that deal­ing with the op­po­site sex can be daunt­ing. It hap­pens to women, too, but on top of that add a dol­lop of in­se­cu­rity and fears that stem from shit we get fed from lady mags, re­li­gion, laws, the en­ter­tain­ment in­dus­try — PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE. Slut-shaming, “le­git­i­mate rape”, normal-sized mod­els who are “plus size”, rape cul­ture (oh, it ex­ists I WILL DEBATE YOU FOR HOURS ON THIS DON’T GET ME STARTED), can’t wear pants be­cause thighs rub­bing

So, I get it. The fear of re­jec­tion, of be­ing ridiculed, of feel­ing not at­trac­tive enough — we’ve all been there. For some, self-esteem and con­fi­dence comes with age and life ex­pe­ri­ence. For oth­ers, it re­mains a con­stant strug­gle. Overcoming in­se­cu­rity and de­vel­op­ing con­fi­dence def­i­nitely helps with in­ter­per­sonal re­la­tion­ships. But you don’t get it by join­ing PUAs or fol­low­ing ass­holes like this.

It be­gins by see­ing women as they are – peo­ple. People who think, breathe, feel, shit, burp and fart just like you. It doesn’t mean el­e­vat­ing them as demigods, nor does it mean de­bas­ing them as ob­jects. That “do unto oth­ers” stuff is true. How would you like to be treated? With re­spect? Well, how about that – we do, too!

Contrary to what most PUAs be­lieve, our re­ac­tion to their ac­tiv­i­ties is not misandry or man-hating We want the same thing as you do – to meet some­one cool to talk to, to do stuff with, to make sexy times with. Without all the ag­gres­sive­ness, ha­rass­ment and abuse. Oh, and you can stop with the sex­ism too; noth­ing turns a woman off quicker than a “get in the kitchen and make me a sand­wich” joke. Fuck off.

So, to help you, I’ve as­sem­bled some tips on how to talk to women. You don’t have to join a group and it’s FREE!

Tip 1: Treat a woman like you would like to be treated — with re­spect, dig­nity and as an equal. Well, D’UH.

Tip 2: If a woman tells you she’s not in­ter­ested, she’s not in­ter­ested. “No” re­ally does mean “No”. Seriously. We mean it.

Tip 3: Refrain from ap­proach­ing women in lin­gerie stores. That’s just creepy. Don’t be that guy.

Tip 4: Don’t lis­ten to any­one who refers to them­selves as a “Casanova” or “The Lover”. Nicknames are given by oth­ers, not self-appointed. Those who can’t do, teach. And teach badly.

Tip 5: Get to know us. We’re into the same stuff as you – sports, film, pol­i­tics, mu­sic, gam­ing and yes, even sex (al­though with this, we pre­fer a lit­tle subtlety).

Tip 6: If a woman turns you down, it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or at­trac­tive enough. We all have pref­er­ences, just like you do. Maybe we’re al­ready in re­la­tion­ships. And some­times, all we want to do is just watch the game, so please be quiet and get out of the way, I CAN’T SEE THE TV.

Tip 6a: If you are turned down, do not ever re­spond by ac­cus­ing us of be­ing ugly, frigid or [in­sert ugly ad­jec­tive here]. Just say “No wor­ries, sorry to bother you” and walk away.

Tip 7: Don’t at­tend PUA events EVER. Especially on the an­niver­sary of the École Polytechnique Massacre. Why do you hate women so much?

There you go. Keep these in mind and you should have no prob­lems. We’re open to be­ing ap­proached, just not to be­ing harassed.


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5 Comments on Calling All “Casanovas”

    • Bonnie Dean
      December 6, 2013 at 6:58 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you!

      Reply
  1. Donna Papacosta
    December 7, 2013 at 9:05 am (4 years ago)

    Well said, Bonnie. When I first saw your link yes­ter­day (and then the Meetup quickly dis­ap­peared), I thought this was a joke. So sad that this is a real thing. In 2013.

    Reply
    • Bonnie Dean
      December 7, 2013 at 11:39 am (4 years ago)

      Thanks, Donna. It makes my blood boil. I some­times won­der if it’s less about meet­ing women and more about ha­rass­ing them — some sort of power trip.

      Reply
  2. Anna Camara
    December 7, 2013 at 3:46 pm (4 years ago)

    Thanks for that solid, ver­bal slap up­side the head. It takes a vil­lage to raise an id­iot (are you lis­ten­ing Ford posse?) and I hope this mes­sage will some­how reach your tar­get audience.

    Reply

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