Stay Classy, San Diego

Ah, San Diego.

Prior to vis­it­ing the city, the only things I as­so­ci­ated with San Diego were the zoo and Anchorman. But af­ter my (too short) va­ca­tion there, I would not hes­i­tate to rec­om­mend it as a Nice Place to Visit.

I was pleas­antly sur­prised by the clean streets – Toronto’s a pig sty com­pared to San Diego – al­though there was a dis­tinc­tive lack of waste/recycling re­cep­ta­cles. You wouldn’t even know there’s a jail in the cen­tre of the city (al­though that ex­plains the plethora of bail bonds services).

I won’t list every­thing I saw and did while I was there, but will high­light some of my favourite places and activities.

The San Diego Zoo
During the golden age of Johnny Carson, Joan Embery, the am­bas­sador for the Zoo, was a fre­quent guest on The Tonight Show. She would al­ways bring a cou­ple of the an­i­mals from the zoo with her when she was on the show. As a kid, those made for my favourite episodes.

I loved watch­ing Carson’s re­ac­tions to the cute (baby mon­keys!), the scary (taran­tu­las!) and the un­pre­dictable (watch his re­ac­tion when a Burmese python gets a lit­tle too intimate).

So the Zoo was a must-see for the kid in me. The place is enor­mous and the ex­hibits are well-organized, and even with the aid of a map, I got lost twice. The ad­mis­sion price wasn’t cheap ($40) but it was def­i­nitely worth it!

Exasperated

Exasperated by BonsMots
Exasperated, a photo by BonsMots on Flickr.

When We Were Young: Moments in Love

There’s a time when every girl learns to use her head
Tears will be saved till they’re bet­ter spent
There’s no time for her to be afraid
So in­stead, she takes care of busi­ness
Keeps a cool head
A girl in trou­ble is a tem­po­rary thing

- A Girl in Trouble (Is a Temporary Thing), Romeo Void

What hap­pens af­ter a 14-year-old Catholic school­girl falls for a boy she meets at a dance? If that girl was me, noth­ing. I never saw the boy again. I’d love to know what hap­pened to Jimmy, the Fred Astaire to my Ginger Rogers.

April 6/83

Well, it’s the third time O’Toole’s com­ing to check you and he bet­ter give us a good mark. Did you hap­pen to see E.M. to­day? He shouldn’t have cut his hair. He looks like a fag, but he’s still cute. We had to do a rough draft of our es­say. You think I did it? No-o-o-o, but I’m not alone. Me, Mary + Mark are in the same league. Exams to­mor­row, Eng. + French — I hate French. Well, I’m bored and there’s noth­ing to write in you. Bye!

P.S. I got a 70% in his­tory essay!

April 14/83

I just got sent down to the of­fice by Conte — bitch, just be­cause I didn’t have the proper shirt on — ooh! Next time they’ll prob­a­bly send me down to the state prison where I’ll prob­a­bly have to wear the blouse all my life — aghh! Then I come to the of­fice and the sec­re­tary goes “Where’s your blouse?” and I go, “At home,” and she goes “How come it’s at home,” and I just shrug my shoul­ders and she asks me where I live and I say “Jane + Finch,” and then she goes, “Oh, that’s not far, you have to go home and change.” Then I started to get wor­ried and she saw me and asks me what’s wrong, and I say noth­ing and — oh well, to make a long story short, she got soft on me and now I have a de­ten­tion = 7:45. C’est la vie! Oh — I got these white pants, quite baggy at the top but tight at the bot­tom with zip­pers and it came with a black belt with a polka-dot buckle and then a polka-dot top for the dance to­mor­row — I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. Bye!

April 18/83

I’m in love! Yes, you can see from the party! Well, there was this gor­geous, I mean gor­geous, guy named Jimmy who looked like he be­longed in Duran Duran (me + Joanne jumped when we fig­ured that out). People told me that I looked: good, like Marilyn Monroe, the best, cute, etc. (well, what can I do?) Well there were lots of cou­ples: Frank & Edda, Vince & Mariela, Daniela & Vessio (???) I know, she likes Joe, but I guess she was all mixed up, Lila & Juliano (ha, ha), Danny & Mary, Mark and Irma’s sis­ter, Me + Jimmy (well, kind of). First he asked me to dance and af­ter I was told I was lucky by Daniela, Joanne, Edda (?), Lydia and oth­ers. Then we asked each other at the same time (em­bar­ras­ment, man) and they played three, 3, III! slow songs in a row! and we wouldn’t stop, man! (I mean danc­ing). He was rub­bing my back, pulling me tighter, oh, I gotta stop be­fore I faint! Bye!

Apr. 20/83

Chello! People are telling me that I had Jimmy all night at the dance and they think he likes me, but I hear every­body say­ing that he likes Irma too. Oh well! Marisa C– knows him and she said that we was in grade 9 and goes to Emery. This isn’t just a crush, man. I got to meet him! Guess what — I’m get­ting a pair of dyed pants, so is my mother, which re­minds me to­day is her 37th Birthday. Yup, we got her a card, but that’s all she wanted. We have soc­cer prac­tice tonight in this freez­ing weather, it’s like play­ing in the North Pole! Do you wanna know a se­cret — whoao. Do you promise not to tell — (Lennon + McCartney). Well here it is (my marks)

Exam/Term

His = 70%/71%

Fre=73.9%/71%

Math=78%/72%

Typing= ~/76%?

Eng.=72%/85%

Gym= ~ /79% ???

Religion=73%/80%

Science=67%/56%! — Sad

Bye!

April 26(?)/83

Ooh! My feet are killing me! These stu­pid shoes are mak­ing my blis­ters worst. There is re­ally not much to write about. Maybe I’ll write in you to­mor­row. In the mean­time, I’ll take a gan­der at past en­tries. Bye.

April 28/83

I’m in TROU-BLE! I was sup­pos­edly go­ing to study for my sci­ence quiz to­day in study. But what do the do? They have to change the bloody sched­ule! Now I can’t even study. I think all of this is a plan, so the teach­ers can see which ones of us stud­ied and which ones of us didn’t. And then do you think O’Toole would give us some time off of Eng. to study? No-o-o-o! Well, c’est la vie! Anyway, I’m in trou­ble! I don’t know who to go for! E.M. or Jimmy! Next dance is next month, and say if they’re both there! If I hang around Boogie much longer, I’ll catch all of her prob­lems. And to top all that, I have Pink Eye and I can’t wear eye­liner, and with­out eye­liner, I look dead! Well, I gotta split. Bye!

The Perfect Man

Written on a nap­kin from the bar at The Drake. With tongue planted firmly in (my own) cheek.

The Craptacular: Guantanamo Edition

Tortured For Her Weight

By Bonnie Dean

She doesn’t know how long she was un­con­scious. She was even un­sure how long she had been in the cham­ber. Days and hours melded into one an­other. Time be­came mean­ing­less; her pain was eternal.

Khloe twisted her body to ease the stiff­ness in her limbs. Her move­ment was lim­ited by the iron chains that bound her wrists and an­kles. Her back still stung from the lash­ings. Each bead of sweat that trick­led into her open wounds felt like a lit­tle knife. 

Someone splashed wa­ter on her face. The cold­ness of it shocked her into tem­po­rary alertness.

As her eyes fo­cused, the three dark fig­ures be­fore her be­came sharper – her torturers.

The tallest one stepped for­ward. She could smell the rot com­ing from his mouth. She hoped the can­cer that was eat­ing his in­sides caused him as much pain as he made her experience.

Give us your weight!” he screamed. His spit­tle landed on her forehead.

Khloe glared at him. “No!” she cried.

Her de­fi­ance seemed to both amuse and anger him. She thought she saw the cor­ner of his mouth go up, but it was gone so quickly she couldn’t tell if it was a smile or a sneer. His face turned red and his brow be­came furrowed.

This is your last chance. You will give us your weight!”

She had been tor­tured for a lot of things — for in­for­ma­tion, mostly. The where­abouts of her crim­i­nal boyfriend, the hid­ing place of their cache of guns, when they buried the gold they stole. But never for her weight. It made no sense to her, but given the strange, illogical path the world was tak­ing, noth­ing sur­prised her anymore.

Never!” Khloe said, her voice af­fect­ing a low, dead tim­bre. “You can tor­ture me all you want, I will never give you my weight! You can have all the gold. And the guns. But not my curves!”

And with every last bit of en­ergy she could muster, with every drop of saliva she could draw from her mouth, she spit in his face.

His eyes grew wide. He wiped her phlegm from his face, and looked at it in his palm. The insolence!

He drew up his hand and slapped her. The gi­ant ring on his fin­ger left a small gash in her cheek. That’ll leave a mark, Khloe thought.

For that, you will DIE!”

He silently mo­tioned to the other two men, who be­gan to un­lock the chains bind­ing her to the rack. As they dragged her away to face her ex­e­cu­tioner, Khloe called out her last words -

I fear noth­ing for God is with me…and my bo­da­cious booty!”

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