When We Were Young: Suddenly Last Summer

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Wrapped in your mys­te­ri­ous won­der­land
Caught in your su­per­fi­cial non-existent fairy story

- Wonderland, XTC

These are my last jour­nal en­tries from the ninth grade. I hope you en­joyed read­ing them as much as I did. Stay tuned for September when I post my jour­nal en­tries from the tenth grade.

June 1/83

I am go­ing to Wonderland! Saturday, me, Angie and Daniela are gonna have fu-u-un! What a yucky day! I can’t fin­ish my re­li­gion es­say and I don’t know it feels yucky. Well, I’m in study right now, I mean sci­ence and we’re talkin’ about the most in­ter­est­ing, mind bog­gling an­i­mal in the world! THE FRUIT FLY! Oooh, big stuff! I am so bored.… Continue tonight.

I am just writ­ing to see how I write with this pen, so if you’ll just ex­cuse me, there! That’s good enough.

June 3/83

Well, do you like my new form of writ­ing? Our dance is on June 10, and — — – said to look good be­cause Jimmy’s gonna be there. And say if Basic’s gonna be there. Confused. That’s what the whole world is to­day. Did you hear Dr. Demento and Weird Al Yankovich on Chum FM this morn­ing? What a hi­lar­i­ous pair. Tomorrow I’m gonna go to Wonderland! The roller coast­ers, scream­ing in the ears, smell of vomit! Doncha just love it? I’m go­ing with Angie + Daniela. But like it’s gonna pour! Oh well, c’est la vie. He’s a gonna check if we-a done da English home­work. Do you think I did? Nooooooo! Did you know I had an ar­gu­ment with my rice krispies? Well, I turned around to get my milk when one of them shouted ob­sen­i­ties at me. I didn’t know who it was but I in­tend to find out! (that’s a joke I heard on the ra­dio). Bye!

June 7/10

Hello Journal. Well it looks like this is the last time (sniff) I’ll be writ­ing in you! But there is the sum­mer and if I meet any new loves, like in sum­mer school, I’ll keep in touch. Boris — ohhh. I went to this Croatian park on Sunday and when lo! what do my eyes be­hold! A gor­geous hunk-of-a-babe called Boris. He looks like John Stamos. Guess who’s com­ing to our dance — Jimmy. Remember? Last dance? But say if you-know-who is there. What a mess I’ll have! I’m be­gin­ning to be­have like ol’ Boogie. Anyway, parked across from us was these gor­geous rock­ers, well one of them was cute. And were they star­ing! Well, I got wrap it up. O’Toole’s gonna have a throm­bo­sis if I don’t close up. Bye!


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When We Were Young: My Ever Changing Moods

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Tosses her head ‘n flips her hair
She got a whole bunch of nothin in there

- Valley Girl, Frank Zappa

There are ref­er­ences to “Banananose Joe”. That would be the then-principal of our school who would con­sis­tently tell us we’d be mov­ing into our brand new build­ing and then push the date. We called him Banananose be­cause his nose kept grow­ing every time he spoke. Not sur­pris­ingly, he later be­came a Liberal MPP.

May 2/83

Don’t look at me, Journal! I got a hair­cut and it looks ugly! Yuck, phooey, and all that jazz! I failed the typ­ing as­sign­ment! Oh well, c’est la vie! Well, there’s nothin’ to write about so I might as well close off. Bye!

May 4/83

Hey Journee! We got a sup­ply to­day and he moved over of Daniela’s loves of her life — Joe R. Hey, I just no­ticed some­thing — she isn’t here! She phoned me this morn­ing and said that she woke up late and she prob­a­bly couldn’t make it — isn’t that just like Boogie! We played against Henry Carr yes­ter­day. We re­ally beat ‘em — 11 – 0 for them! But I didn’t say in the score!

Hey, I think I still like you know who — yah, that’s right E.M. I dunno, like I think I still have a thing for him. Like it’s to­tally awe­some, don­cha know? Like gross me out the door! I think I, like, re­ally bombed out on typ­ing, like that Conte is re­ally bitchen when it comes to tests and as­sign­ments, to­tally! I bet the whole school, like, knows about the grody score 11 – 0, fer sure, to­tally! They put me in front of this, like, go­rilla! fer sure, she was so awe­some. Then they tell me, like, to cover her? — like if she fell on me, all her ugly body squish­ing mine, gag me with a spoon, gross!!! Well, like, there was this to­tally awe­some cute hunk on the bus this morn­ing, like, you should’ve seen him, like, to­tally ter­rific! But, like, he looked 23. Well, like I have to close up, so bye!

May 9/83

Ahh! Don’t look at me, I’ve got PINK EYE! Why do they call it pink eye when your eye turns red? What’s wrong with Red Eye? And like a fool, I put [on] eye­liner. Come on call me names. Stupid! Crazy! Anyway, I have to go. Bye!

May 12/83

We are not in the school yet! What a liar Banananose is. He tells us so many dates, I think the school is grow­ing cob­webs. Why am I writ­ing on pink pa­per? No, not to match my eyes. I don’t have any line pa­per. Oh, I should’ve stayed home, you’ll never know if sud­denly to­mor­row, every­one comes in with pink eye. We have a sci­ence quiz to­day — ohhh —-! Did I study — noooo. Boogie for­got to bring me by sci­ence notes cause I was away. Soccer prac­tice tonight. You know what the score was last day against Basils? 4 – 0 (0 is for us). Yah, we didn’t have enough play­ers and I was play­ing de­fence — boy did I trip that for­ward! Then I have this big bruise. Oh well, c’est la vie!

May 16/83

No, we are not in the school, YET!” as Banananose Joe would say. Oh well! Well, it’s an­other bor­ing day. On Saturday, Boogie, Angie P — – and I were walk­ing around the Palisades when these hunks on the sev­enth floor of the big build­ing were whistling at us and telling us to come up! Me and Angie start yelling, “Come on down, if you’re not chicken.” While Boogie was act­ing in her slutty way, Angie yells out “Come down here and I’ll show you some ac­tion you’ll never for­get!” Well, then we went to the mall, and then to the lobby of my build­ing and be­fore we went in, they go, “Hey, come up!” and Angie goes, “Get some more hunks and we’ll have an orgy.” Then we de­cided to call on Marco and act like teasers. So we go in the side of the build­ing and they start yelling out “Seventh floor!” We then call Marco and start walk­ing with him and Angie + I start yelling “We get bet­ter ac­tion down here!” while I see my fa­ther — well, I’ll con­tinue next day. Bye!

May 18/83

Did I say I was gonna con­tinue my story? Oh, yeah, where were we. Oh, so we go into the side of the build­ing and they kept on yelling “Seven!” Angie wanted to go up and I start say­ing “They’re prob­a­bly get­ting ready!” so then we call on Marco to come down. He comes down and we start walkin’ to the rec. Angie starts yelling, “We get bet­ter ac­tion down here!” They musta thought we were some kinda teasers. Then we start talkin’ at the rec and then we walked Angie home and well that’s it. And I can see those guys off my bal­cony and they can see me. Guess what — we bet Queen of Piss at soc­cer = 2 – 1. First minute we scored. I was a ter­rific de­fense which every­body said, and for that, I get a sprained an­kle. If we beat Bosco, we go into the play­offs and we don’t have to play Carr. But if we lose, we still get into the play­offs and we play Carr. Bye!

May 26/83

What a yucky day, to­day, man! First, I came late and now I have a de­ten­tion! Then, I can’t go to my locker to get my books out and then I still didn’t fin­ish my es­say: I have to come af­ter school, and we have a re­li­gion test that I com­pletely for­got about, and I have to do my sci­ence. And to top it all off — these shoes are killing my feet! Speaking of shoes, I have to go to the Sheridan tonight be­cause I have to buy new shoes. Tomorrow’s the din­ner for the soc­cer team. Yeah we lost against Carr — 7 – 0. Well, at least we bet Madonna and Queen of Piss and made it to the play­offs! Well, there’s noth­ing to write — oh yeah — our dance is on June 10th, and R — – ‘s sweet six­teen is on the 11th, which nobody’s go­ing to. I gotta go, now. Bye!


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Stay Classy, San Diego

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Ah, San Diego.

Prior to vis­it­ing the city, the only things I as­so­ci­ated with San Diego were the zoo and Anchorman. But af­ter my (too short) va­ca­tion there, I would not hes­i­tate to rec­om­mend it as a Nice Place to Visit.

I was pleas­antly sur­prised by the clean streets – Toronto’s a pig sty com­pared to San Diego – al­though there was a dis­tinc­tive lack of waste/recycling re­cep­ta­cles. You wouldn’t even know there’s a jail in the cen­tre of the city (al­though that ex­plains the plethora of bail bonds services).

I won’t list every­thing I saw and did while I was there, but will high­light some of my favourite places and activities.

The San Diego Zoo
During the golden age of Johnny Carson, Joan Embery, the am­bas­sador for the Zoo, was a fre­quent guest on The Tonight Show. She would al­ways bring a cou­ple of the an­i­mals from the zoo with her when she was on the show. As a kid, those made for my favourite episodes.

I loved watch­ing Carson’s re­ac­tions to the cute (baby mon­keys!), the scary (taran­tu­las!) and the un­pre­dictable (watch his re­ac­tion when a Burmese python gets a lit­tle too intimate).

So the Zoo was a must-see for the kid in me. The place is enor­mous and the ex­hibits are well-organized, and even with the aid of a map, I got lost twice. The ad­mis­sion price wasn’t cheap ($40) but it was def­i­nitely worth it!

(more…)


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When We Were Young: Moments in Love

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There’s a time when every girl learns to use her head
Tears will be saved till they’re bet­ter spent
There’s no time for her to be afraid
So in­stead, she takes care of busi­ness
Keeps a cool head
A girl in trou­ble is a tem­po­rary thing

- A Girl in Trouble (Is a Temporary Thing), Romeo Void

What hap­pens af­ter a 14-year-old Catholic school­girl falls for a boy she meets at a dance? If that girl was me, noth­ing. I never saw the boy again. I’d love to know what hap­pened to Jimmy, the Fred Astaire to my Ginger Rogers.

April 6/83

Well, it’s the third time O’Toole’s com­ing to check you and he bet­ter give us a good mark. Did you hap­pen to see E.M. to­day? He shouldn’t have cut his hair. He looks like a fag, but he’s still cute. We had to do a rough draft of our es­say. You think I did it? No-o-o-o, but I’m not alone. Me, Mary + Mark are in the same league. Exams to­mor­row, Eng. + French — I hate French. Well, I’m bored and there’s noth­ing to write in you. Bye!

P.S. I got a 70% in his­tory essay!

April 14/83

I just got sent down to the of­fice by Conte — bitch, just be­cause I didn’t have the proper shirt on — ooh! Next time they’ll prob­a­bly send me down to the state prison where I’ll prob­a­bly have to wear the blouse all my life — aghh! Then I come to the of­fice and the sec­re­tary goes “Where’s your blouse?” and I go, “At home,” and she goes “How come it’s at home,” and I just shrug my shoul­ders and she asks me where I live and I say “Jane + Finch,” and then she goes, “Oh, that’s not far, you have to go home and change.” Then I started to get wor­ried and she saw me and asks me what’s wrong, and I say noth­ing and — oh well, to make a long story short, she got soft on me and now I have a de­ten­tion = 7:45. C’est la vie! Oh — I got these white pants, quite baggy at the top but tight at the bot­tom with zip­pers and it came with a black belt with a polka-dot buckle and then a polka-dot top for the dance to­mor­row — I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. Bye!

April 18/83

I’m in love! Yes, you can see from the party! Well, there was this gor­geous, I mean gor­geous, guy named Jimmy who looked like he be­longed in Duran Duran (me + Joanne jumped when we fig­ured that out). People told me that I looked: good, like Marilyn Monroe, the best, cute, etc. (well, what can I do?) Well there were lots of cou­ples: Frank & Edda, Vince & Mariela, Daniela & Vessio (???) I know, she likes Joe, but I guess she was all mixed up, Lila & Juliano (ha, ha), Danny & Mary, Mark and Irma’s sis­ter, Me + Jimmy (well, kind of). First he asked me to dance and af­ter I was told I was lucky by Daniela, Joanne, Edda (?), Lydia and oth­ers. Then we asked each other at the same time (em­bar­ras­ment, man) and they played three, 3, III! slow songs in a row! and we wouldn’t stop, man! (I mean danc­ing). He was rub­bing my back, pulling me tighter, oh, I gotta stop be­fore I faint! Bye!

Apr. 20/83

Chello! People are telling me that I had Jimmy all night at the dance and they think he likes me, but I hear every­body say­ing that he likes Irma too. Oh well! Marisa C– knows him and she said that we was in grade 9 and goes to Emery. This isn’t just a crush, man. I got to meet him! Guess what — I’m get­ting a pair of dyed pants, so is my mother, which re­minds me to­day is her 37th Birthday. Yup, we got her a card, but that’s all she wanted. We have soc­cer prac­tice tonight in this freez­ing weather, it’s like play­ing in the North Pole! Do you wanna know a se­cret — whoao. Do you promise not to tell — (Lennon + McCartney). Well here it is (my marks)

Exam/Term

His = 70%/71%

Fre=73.9%/71%

Math=78%/72%

Typing= ~/76%?

Eng.=72%/85%

Gym= ~ /79% ???

Religion=73%/80%

Science=67%/56%! — Sad

Bye!

April 26(?)/83

Ooh! My feet are killing me! These stu­pid shoes are mak­ing my blis­ters worst. There is re­ally not much to write about. Maybe I’ll write in you to­mor­row. In the mean­time, I’ll take a gan­der at past en­tries. Bye.

April 28/83

I’m in TROU-BLE! I was sup­pos­edly go­ing to study for my sci­ence quiz to­day in study. But what do the do? They have to change the bloody sched­ule! Now I can’t even study. I think all of this is a plan, so the teach­ers can see which ones of us stud­ied and which ones of us didn’t. And then do you think O’Toole would give us some time off of Eng. to study? No-o-o-o! Well, c’est la vie! Anyway, I’m in trou­ble! I don’t know who to go for! E.M. or Jimmy! Next dance is next month, and say if they’re both there! If I hang around Boogie much longer, I’ll catch all of her prob­lems. And to top all that, I have Pink Eye and I can’t wear eye­liner, and with­out eye­liner, I look dead! Well, I gotta split. Bye!


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