Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

Calling All “Casanovas”

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Hey guys.

How’s it go­ing? Good, good. Listen, there’s some­thing I want to dis­cuss with you. Apparently, some of you were plan­ning to amass at a down­town mall in Toronto for some­thing called a “$5 EATON CENTER APPROACH MARATHON”. The event has since been can­celled due to out­rage and com­mon sense – yay for hu­man rights! Because re­ally, events like this de­mean us all.

The event ap­par­ently in­volved “beast­ing” which is de­fined as “ap­proach­ing [women] con­tin­u­ously and con­sis­tently - tar­get­ing every ap­proach­able set in the vicin­ity” [ital­ics mine]. It was or­ga­nized by a Meetup​.com group that calls it­self Toronto Pick Up Artists (PUAs). (There’s a hy­phen miss­ing from there, but bad gram­mar is the least of their problems.) A bunch of men were go­ing to con­gre­gate in the Toronto Eaton Centre and ba­si­cally ha­rass women who just want to do their Christmas shop­ping. The Toronto PUAs Meetup​.com page has dis­ap­peared (sad, be­cause it was so stupid-funny to read) but Toronto Life doc­u­mented some of the fool­ish­ness (al­beit in a too-lighthearted way, IMHO, like these guys were some clumsy Pepe le Pews.) Behold:

Since there are so many women in the Eaton Centre you can eas­ily warm up and get your­self into state within 20 min­utes. Eaton Centre is there­fore a great first stop on your day game iternary. [sic] Do a few ap­proaches there and you can move to other venues which may have less women but bet­ter lo­gis­tics (girls who are stationary).

Okay, guys, lis­ten. This is bull­shit. You don’t have to do this. I know that deal­ing with the op­po­site sex can be daunt­ing. It hap­pens to women, too, but on top of that add a dol­lop of in­se­cu­rity and fears that stem from shit we get fed from lady mags, re­li­gion, laws, the en­ter­tain­ment in­dus­try — PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE. Slut-shaming, “le­git­i­mate rape”, normal-sized mod­els who are “plus size”, rape cul­ture (oh, it ex­ists I WILL DEBATE YOU FOR HOURS ON THIS DON’T GET ME STARTED), can’t wear pants be­cause thighs rub­bing

So, I get it. The fear of re­jec­tion, of be­ing ridiculed, of feel­ing not at­trac­tive enough — we’ve all been there. For some, self-esteem and con­fi­dence comes with age and life ex­pe­ri­ence. For oth­ers, it re­mains a con­stant strug­gle. Overcoming in­se­cu­rity and de­vel­op­ing con­fi­dence def­i­nitely helps with in­ter­per­sonal re­la­tion­ships. But you don’t get it by join­ing PUAs or fol­low­ing ass­holes like this.

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Love the One You’re With

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A friend re­cently sent me an ar­ti­cle called “Why I’m Alone”. It is a re­sponse by Huffington Post colum­nist Lea Lane to the ques­tion she is of­ten asked in the years fol­low­ing the death of her hus­band: Why is she still alone? Why doesn’t she date much?

While I’ve never loved and lost like Ms. Lane, I can cer­tainly re­late to the ques­tion, “Why are you alone?” In my case, it’s rephrased as “Why are you single?”

I guess I’m just lucky,” I smirk.

Like most smar­tass re­sponses, mine comes across as de­fen­sive, and I make no apolo­gies for it. I am a strong and con­fi­dent woman who owns her own condo, is mak­ing in­roads into a new ca­reer and has a stel­lar credit his­tory. Yet all that I achieve and ac­com­plish tends to be over­shad­owed by my mar­i­tal status.

Why are you single?”

I could say that I choose to be sin­gle but that would be a lie. Take our bi­o­log­i­cal dis­po­si­tion to mate and pro­cre­ate, add cen­turies of so­cial con­di­tion­ing and stir in the fear of grow­ing old alone. Is it any won­der that women get panic at­tacks when they’re not mar­ried by the time they’re 30?

I don’t choose to be sin­gle – I’ve just made my peace with it. If it re­ally both­ered me, I’d be more dili­gent in my pur­suit of the op­po­site sex (my re­cent at­tempt at speed-dating notwith­stand­ing, which is a sep­a­rate blog post al­to­gether). As it stands, I’m not in a par­tic­u­lar hurry to get hitched. Marriage is not a goal of mine. I just want to find some­one who I con­nect with, can tol­er­ate my need for alone time and rec­og­nizes the ge­nius of Tex Avery, Jon Stewart and Neil Gaiman. And I want to take my time find­ing him.

Why are you single?”

My friend Catherine put it suc­cinctly: “I sin­cerely be­lieve that if I’m meant to meet some­one, I will. I’m not go­ing to moan about it if I don’t.” Amen, sister.

Until I meet my Mr. Right-For-Me, I’m en­joy­ing my life. Here are my rea­sons why I’m okay with be­ing sin­gle (with grat­i­tude to Ms. Lane).

  • I’m never lonely – I have a wealth of friends who I can see more of­ten than I could if I was in a relationship.
  • Dating pro­vides so much in­ter­est­ing ma­te­r­ial for anec­dotes and blog posts.
  • On week­ends, I can wake up late or stay in bed all day.
  • I don’t have to an­swer to some­one else.
  • I can take off for the week­end on the spur of the moment.
  • I have more time to spend with my family.
  • I can watch any movie I want to, even if it’s a weepy chick flick.
  • I look way younger than my years and I chalk that up to care­free living.
  • I don’t have to cook if I don‘t want to.
  • I don’t have to be dis­ap­pointed and hurt when a man no longer likes me.
  • I have the bath­room all to myself.
  • I can flirt to my heart’s content.
  • I love ex­pe­ri­enc­ing the thrill of meet­ing some­one new and imag­in­ing what they’re like in bed. I love know­ing that I can find out firsthand.
  • I don’t have to date a man I’m not crazy about be­cause I’m “not get­ting any younger.”
  • I don’t have to shave my legs every day.
  • No one is hog­ging the bed sheets but me.
  • I can drink milk/juice straight from the carton.
  • NO IN-LAWS.
  • I have to­tal con­trol over the tele­vi­sion remote.

What are your reasons?


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